Family Life
Below Market Rents And Asking Price
June 18th, 2008 Deeper Thoughts atholkay 6 Comments »
So I’ve been looking and looking at investment properties on the MLS with a more serious eye. Here’s a little phrase and it’s cousins I see popping up over and over.
“Rents could easily be more”
“Rents are below market”
“Increase the rent for excellent profits”
“Unit occupied by owner would get crap load of rent, no seriously it could, I’m telling ya, a real crap load.”
So maybe I’m just new to this game…
…but if all you had to do to convert the property to a cash cow was jump the rents up, why doesn’t the present owner get it together and get the increased rents?
You certainly can’t base your offer on these rent folk tales the seller is telling. We don’t write up an offer sitting around the campfire making smores. Work with the actual current figures – even if you know that yes indeed the rents are below market. Just shut up on that, and say over and over “these are the current rents we have to send to the lender for mortgage approval” until they stop saying the rents are undervalued.
Maybe the landlord is just simply incompetent or too cowardly to approach the tenants and tell them the rent is going up. It’s not up to the buyer to offer a great wad of feel better cash to the seller for this behavior. We’re not offering $250,000 and an extra $25,000 for the sellers boo-boos.
If the seller wants a premium asking price, they need to offer a premium package of maximized rents and a well maintained property.
If It’s Such A Great Investment Property Why Are You Selling?
June 15th, 2008 Deeper Thoughts atholkay 7 Comments »
I’ll spare you the CAPS LOCK ON remarks and covert them to lower case…
“Great investment opportunity, stable tenants, and easy to rent. New paved parking area, near bus line, and good neighborhood.”
Hmmm, photos are nice. Asking $400,000, six units, looks like $700 each month, tax $7000ish… crunch, crunch, crunch… hmmm not terribly exciting cash flow so far after the mortgage is paid.
“All tenants pay electric, hot water, phone, washer/dryer hook-ups in units”
Hmmm not bad, LOL at letting us know the tenants pay for their own phone line though.
“Owner pays heat for five units.”
Come again?
“Fuel: Oil”
…
And I bet the tenants are just toasty warm in winter.
When Your Wife Stabs You With a Fork You Learn to Pay Attention.
May 29th, 2008 Humor, Photography, Rules of Good Photos atholkay 1 Comment »
In any other situation it’s called a partial seizure. During a showing it’s called The Thanksgiving Turkey Test. That’s the one where the buyers are pretty interested in the home and everything is going pretty well, then suddenly the female half of the buying couple makes a beeline back into the kitchen and just stands there.
The “standing there” could take a little while. There may be odd movements and vocalizations. It’s really important not to disturb her. What she’s doing is trying to imagine if she’s comfortable pulling the Thanksgiving Turkey out of the oven in this particular kitchen. Open your mouth and you break the spell. Just let her come out of it on her own.
Oh sure the kitchen is just fine… at least it is to you foul mouthed oafs that make a ham and potato chip sandwich and just spin the loaf of bread afterwards and tuck the end under. Yeah… me too, guilty as charged. True story - back in the in the early days of wedded bliss I once came home from Wal-Mart with a box of matching plates, cups and bowls. When asked how many were in the box, I did the math and said “four days worth”…
… apparently that was the wrong answer.
It turns out that when there are just two of you, and you have a four day supply of plates, you have eight settings. Then I had to wash brand new plates! I had to take them right from the box and wash them. She’s not due for PMS until Tuesday either, so she’s like Basic Instinct calm as she said we had to wash them too. I’m freaking out man.
Sorry, wandered off for a bit there. Anyway, um… wife, kitchen, the standing there, imagining if it’s possible to pull off T-Day. I’m right back with you now. Focused.
So, here’s the snap of the wet towel – you have to pass the Thanksgiving Turkey Test in the photo of the kitchen. Buyers will study the kitchen photo like no other.
The good news is that the kitchen photo is the easy one to get right. The biggest key is simply making sure the kitchen is clean as possible, and decluttered as possible. I go really, really, and I mean really decluttered. Move the toaster, the spice rack, the candle, the cat’s food bowl, the dish towels out of the shot. If it’s an ornamental towel hanging on the handle of the oven that the First Lady gave your grandmother, they can either bring an offer, or you take it out of the shot. Take everything that isn’t nailed down out of the shot, with the exception of just two magical items that can sit on the counter.
1. A coffee maker – because coffee symbolizes relaxation, enjoyment and can cap the end of a successful dinner event.
2. A roll of paper towels – symbolizes ease of use and cleanliness.
Now there are a bunch of other important things that do matter in kitchen shots, especially making sure the verticals are vertical, but I’ll hit that up another time. The lion’s share of the emotional impact in the kitchen is just going to be the open space and the cleanliness.
P.S. Fridge magnets are of the devil.
P.S.S. Yes I know that this entire post is completely sexist in assuming that the woman/wife will be in control of all the cooking etc for Thanksgiving. In my defense, all I can say is that I’ve seen multiple instances of very even tempered, domestically egalitarian, women turn into possessed maniacs attempting to channel “Betty Crocker on a good day” around Thanksgiving. Suddenly the way cloth napkins are folded becomes as important as correctly following the checklist for the deployment of Space Shuttle. In situations like this the best advice is to repeat the phrase “everything was fabulous” until the situation has resolved. My point remains salient though – home buying is rarely rational.
P.S.S.S You’re probably wondering about about the “stabbing with the fork” bit in the title. Here’s the story… I got up in the middle of the night for a drink of water… the turkey was left in a chicken stock/brine thing in a cooler in the kitchen…anyway, long story short, we had to clean the kitchen floor, I sustained “superficial fork wounds”, and everything was fabulous.
Legalized Parking Lots To Sleep In Your Car After Foreclosure
May 21st, 2008 Deeper Thoughts atholkay 3 Comments »
“There are 12 parking lots across Santa Barbara that have been set up to accommodate the growing middle-class homelessness. These lots are believed to be part of the first program of its kind in the United States, according to organizers.
The lots open at 7 p.m. and close at 7 a.m. and are run by New Beginnings Counseling Center, a homeless outreach organization.
It is illegal for people in California to sleep in their cars on streets. New Beginnings worked with the city to allow the parking lots as a safe place for the homeless to sleep in their vehicles without being harassed by people on the streets or ticketed by police.”
So how bad does bad get?
“Linn Labou, 54, lives in her car with four cats.”
Oh wow. Just wow.
The irony is that it’s probably illegal to keep an animal in a car like that.
Mentos Coke Bomb Prank
May 20th, 2008 Humor atholkay 4 Comments »
It’s so perfect it its simplicity. 1.5 minutes. I can’t stop laughing. 
Wanna Pay For Advertising Like This?
May 19th, 2008 Geekage and Blogging, Humor atholkay No Comments »
Everyone loves a widget that makes a pretty graph…
…except when you’re asking $688,000 and there is no way to turn the damn thing off on the expensive web hosting platform you pay too much money for.
Apparently you’re safest in you car. Ideally driving away from this listing.
Hat tip Malcolm Waring for the image.
Putting a Human Face on Foreclosures
May 18th, 2008 Deeper Thoughts atholkay 1 Comment »
I was mailed this as a BMPOTD submission. And yes true story, this is a house going into foreclosure. Yes that may be the very last Christmas Tree that little kid ever gets to see in “our house”. Yeah it’s a bad photo, I just don’t want to pull the trigger on this one.
About 30% of the population are going to be renters their whole life, and they didn’t bother trying to buy a home during the bubble. For them, the bubble is something that happened to other people.
But about 5% of the population who never had a hope of buying a home, were told they could suddenly afford a home by a small army of realtors and mortgage officers. Now even if your common sense tells you that you can’t really afford something, if a bunch of suits tells you that you can, and your wife makes goo-goo eyes at you, and you’ve been told since birth that owning your own home is your ticket to a good life and a happy retirement…
…well, you sign the papers.
“Denial is a defense mechanism‘ postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.”
Then when your guardian angel goes off duty and the shit hits the fan, you have some other papers to sign.
But the majority of people affected by foreclosures didn’t actually get a choice in the matter. Mom and Dad made the choices. Suddenly life was really good and you had your own room, then there was all that yelling and screaming. Now you live with your Mom at Aunt Jessica’s and you see Dad on the weekend. Except this weekend he didn’t come.
Of course if you’re the Dad… the suck is that you brought the damn house for your family. Now you don’t have either one.
When other people talk about bankruptcy, they are talking about losing all your money. When you talk about bankruptcy, you talk about losing everything you had.
And now people are standing in lines to pick over your carcass…
India Makes The Case For Going Wireless
May 13th, 2008 Deeper Thoughts atholkay 2 Comments »
Nuff said…
Hat tip to Pink Bunny Ears
Bad MLS Photo of the Day #371
May 6th, 2008 Family Life atholkay No Comments »
37% chance that anyone called Hugh thinks this is a message from God.
From Malcolm Waring.
Your bad photos are good here, please send me the horrible shots you find.
See more Bad MLS Photo of the Day, Rules of Good Photos. Problem photo? Try Pimp My Listing Photo or if in Connecticut you can even check on My Services.
Thanks for visiting.
Is Real Estate Photoshopping EVIL?
May 5th, 2008 Deeper Thoughts, Photography atholkay 3 Comments »
Bill Rubin tosses me a softball in the comments…
“Athol;
Just a question since you are the photoguy
There has been some discussion in the Professional Standards Forum at NAR about artificial enhancement and modification to property photos which might present a false picture to the consumer.Do you think that framing the shot so that the power lines don’t show might be a violation of the Code of Ethic’s true picture requirement(Article 12)?
I’m sort of “on the bubble” about it - If the power lines were photoshopped out, I would think that the agent was doing a bad thing, but framing it without artificial modification would seem to be acceptable because this is really what the property looks like when viewed from a specific angle (though the viewer would need ot have your car parked in the driveway) - So what do you think?”
Firstly, I think you’re misreading the phrase “true picture” as “true photo”. Once you’re into the breakdowns of Article 12 there is absolutely nothing about standards of photography. Nothing, nada, zip.
As far as I know, NAR has zero standards directly applying to photography, which a huge problem, and one of the reasons we are awash in such disgustingly poor photographic efforts from the vast bulk of realtors. It’s my semi-private cause to see that righted.
That being said, you basically have the right understanding of photo modification ethics. Once you start screwing with material facts, and editing out things to make the structure look more physically sound than it is, then we’re misrepresenting the property. We’re lying. That way ends in lawsuits, drama, tears and Ramen.
As I recall from pre-licensing class, what I do, and I argue I do pretty well, is the photographic equivalent of “puffing”. Careful cropping, flattering angles, well lit and attention to detail. It’s what I’m paid to do. Quality photography is used in every other single sales profession and there is no excuse for not using it in real estate sales. Buyers should be aware that the listing agent et al are out to actively pitch the house. If they aren’t actively pitching… the door is thataway.
puffing n. the exaggeration of the good points of a product, a business, real property, and the prospects for future rise in value, profits and growth. Since a certain amount of “puffing” can be expected of any salesman, it cannot be the basis of a lawsuit for fraud or breach of contract unless the exaggeration exceeds the reality. However, if the puffery includes outright lies or has no basis in fact (”Sears Roebuck is building next door to your store site”) a legal action for rescission of the contract or for fraud against the seller is possible.
If buyers need to see a fugly photo of the house before they go on a showing appointment, then they can Google Earth it. Heck, maybe their buyers agent that my seller pays for could do it for them. I dunno what more to do for them really. Maybe I should sue my wife for wearing a push-up bra and lipstick when we were dating, but what would be the point?
<— Fugly photo of house with tree and power lines. I’m hiding this how?
To not mince words, the biggest “artificial modification” is the humble flash bulb. Photography is all about light. Numerous I’ve times walked into depressingly dark rooms, and simply used the on camera flash and voila… the photo looks well lit and warm.
Also to be honest, the good photographers, and I mean the really good ones, can simply do things in editing and in setting up that defy detection to the untrained eye. I’m not talking about “the power lines got removed”, or “the divots in the lawn got repaired”, that sort of thing is for chumps. No need to try and ram home the power of photoshop like a Freshman with the rock.
Pros just get you with deftness. Like the gentle arc of the ball off a long fadeaway jumper. Butter smooth shots that bypass the buyers defense shields and can simply make them fall in love with a property before they even set foot in the house…
…swish… nothing but net.
